Nobody Burns Burning Man!

How do I even begin writing about the most amazing week of my life? Where do I start? I left Calgary with Norm, Dae and Mike the evening of Saturday August 26th. That seems like as good a place as any to start. Actually, it really started when I bought the coolest bike ever, but more about her later.

We drove all night, only stopping at the boarder while they made sure we didn't want jobs in America and that our tattoos passed the test, and then in Idaho at I-Hop. Idaho wasn't very memorable, except the cop that pulled us over was exactly what I picture small town American cops to be. Square jaw, crew cut, country accent, it was pretty funny.

We did one more stop in Winnemucca at the Wal-Mart to pick up supplies. It was great to see burners every where you looked, and people that weren't burners seemed to really like us, waving and asking us if we were headed to the Burning Man.

We arrived in Reno around 7 or 8 pm, and checked into Circus Circus. Reno is...ghetto. And tacky. And old. Did I mention ghetto? Our hotel was mostly tacky, but it was fun to stay there. We unloaded our bikes and some of our stuff, and then headed out to find a buffet with Norm's friend Karen. By then I was beyond starving, so Karen and I went into the first buffet we saw, and Norm, Dae and Mike went to the one we were supposed to meet at. But I had a good chat with Karen, who had been to Burning Man the past few years, and I ate a ton of food. We went to bed pretty early that night, no one was up for gambling and partying.

The next day Mike and Norm went to get groceries and booze (why we sent the two slowest ones on that mission, I don't know). We eventually made it out of Reno, and made our way out to Black Rock City. We drove down the long dusty road that leads in off the highway, reading quotes about fear and hope that lined the way.

When we got to the gate it was really dusty, which was what I pictured it would be like all week. Luckily it was just the cars kicking up dust, and it wasn't nearly as crazy as I thought it would be.

When we got in, there is a bell that people get to ring on their first journey into BRC. After I rang it, and girl came over and asked if it was my first time. When I said yes, she said 'Ok, this is a ritual.' She put her hand on my heart, and basically welcomed me home, and invited me to feel the connection with the ground I was standing on. It was beautiful and perfect and made me cry, I felt such relief.

We drove in and found where Paula and Steph were camped easily, with a bunch of Canadians at the Mad Hatter's Society and the Church of Respect. Our address for the week was 3:30 and Fate.

The sun was almost down, so we just had time to throw up our tents before it got dark out. Then the four of us went exploring.

The first place we stopped was right at the 4:30 plaza. I chatted to some guys sitting outside a dome playing beats, and when they found out that this was my first burn, they called for the paddle. So this guy pulls out a plastic paddle and asked if I was ready to get spanked, but luckily one side was covered in fun fur, so it was actually pretty nice.

Right before we left, a guy named Bob asked for a hug, so I tackled this huge guy to the ground, and he said it was his best burning man hug ever.

We kept walking, just looking around at everything. We stopped by a dome called Chillonia with a bar inside, so we popped in, and there were pics of turtles on the wall, in the same style of my tattoo. What a perfect place for our first drink at burning man. You just walk up to the bar, hand them your cup, and they ask what you want. At first it definitely feels weird, since you aren't giving them anything, but that is one of the awesome things about the burning man community. They are giving because they genuinely want to, without having any expectations of getting something in return. If you hang out at a bar for a while, or if it's one you really like, its nice to bring a bottle of booze or some ice to donate. But people really expect nothing.

That night we went to bed pretty early since it had been a long day. Tuesday we got up and started setting up our camp, with a huge shade structure, a bar-b-q, camp stove, table, chairs, rugs...Dae and Mike were hooked up. And Mike was amazing, he basically did everything, he was the man with the plan.

After we were done setting up, Paula and Steph came over and told us that they were taking Purgatory out, the art car that the Mad Hatters Built. So we grabbed our cups and sunscreen and headed out.

I thought we would tour around for an hour or so, but it turned out to be an all day affair, and it turned out to be one of the best days. We stopped at bar after bar and got drunker and drunker, people hopped on and people hopped off.. Everything just came to us and we watched the camps go by. People passed out goodies to share, we made friends with our neighbors and met people camped all around the playa.

We went all the way around to The Deep End, the busiest bar during the day. There is a shaded area with couches and cushions to sit, a huge dance area, and the best part, a bar. We danced there for a while, and it started feeling a bit much for me, since the heat is so intense. But right when I felt like I needed a break, everyone yelled 'Purgatory!' and we all jumped on.

Norm and I were screaming 'Fuck you hippie!' and 'Fuck you raver!' at the top of our lungs the whole time, getting people to join in. People always look at us like we're crazy, but if they try it they understand how fun it is. Later in the week people even came up to us and said 'Hey, you were at Shambhala!' since we screamed that the whole time we were there too. It is the best way to find Norm in a crowd.

At one point, Purgatory was out in the middle of the Playa, and I couldn't see anything but desert. It seemed like we were in the middle of nowhere. Then all of a sudden, someone hands me a freezie. Someone road up next to us on a bike, and then gave us enough freezies for everyone. It was great! And just the kind of random gifting that continued all week and never stopped making me feel in awe of Burners collective generosity.

As we continued cruising across the Playa, we came across these people working on a huge art project, which would later turn out to be this huge crazy metal serpent that had fire shooting out from all over it's body. We stood in front of it while they took a pic with this camera in a huge bin, and we had to stay still for 45 seconds, which by then was quite a challenge, since half of us could barely stand.

Eventually we made it back to camp, and I think I must have passed out for a while. That night I cruised around with Paula and Steph on my fabulous sexxy bike. We road out to the Waffle, an apparently racist term for this huge wooden structure 60 Belgians built. We ended up at the Opulent Temple, a great stage that I kept going back to through the week. There was a huge arch over the dj that shot flames, because everything on fire!

I started feeling not too good around the time the sun came up, so I went back to the camp to lie down, but after about half and hour I realized there was no way that I was going to sleep. So I went and climbed up the Church of Respect, onto this platform where you could look out over everything. I talked to some other Calgary burners that were up there, and after the sun came up Paula showed up and we sat up there for a while.

Right when she was ready for bed, Steph came back, so we stayed up there a bit longer. We brought a bunch of stuff up there to wash our feet, one thing you have to be careful of. The dust has alkaline in it, so it can destroy your feet. I brought a spray bottle with vinegar and water in it, and we washed them off then put lotion on them. I did that everyday, and my feet were more pampered then they ever have been.

When I finally went to bed, I ended up missing the biggest dust storm that happened while we were there. It woke me up from my nap, it was so loud. I could hear the dust hitting the tent, the tarps flapping everywhere, people yelling. I just stayed in my tent, so I didn’t actually see it. But when I came out it had ripped our tarps right off the zip lines, and everything in our shade structure was covered in a layer of dust. Norm told me when I got home from BRC, I would have playa dust on my soul, and he was right.

Two of our neighbors were Jill and Kicks, who were from Alberta too. We met them on Purgatory and they came to hang out sometimes during the day. Dae brought a blender and we had ridiculous amounts of booze and margarita mix, and fresh fruit, so we had a steady stream of margaritas pouring out of our camp. It was the best way to spend the hottest part of the day, sitting in shade and drinking cold drinks.

On Wednesday was Santarchy, where a bunch of people dress up like Santa and go pub-crawling. They have it in a lot of major cities in December; Norm has gone the past few years in Toronto. The Santas were meeting at a bar to drink for a few hours, then heading out together. Norm, Dae and I dressed up, Norm in a red santa hat that his dreads stuck out of the top, me in red fish nets and booty shorts, and Dae in a Scooby costume with a santa hat on top. We were slow getting Santafied, so we missed the meet up, and got there as everyone was heading out. Unfortunately, the Santas were way to drunk to stay together, so when we got there they were scattered all over. We managed to find about 15 on an art car that we hopped on. We danced and sang Christmas carols but after about 10 minutes realized that the art car wasn’t going anywhere, so we got off to search for booze. Our numbers dwindled down to about 6 as we went in search of a bar. The first bar we found was called Comfort and Joy, which seemed fitting. We even met Jesus there. Too bad he was a dick.

We continued on and did hit up a few cool bars, like Whiskey and Whores (we got whiskey, we got whores, what the fuck else do you need?), where they served whiskey shots and had girls stripping. We also found Absinthe, a bar that served tons of different flavors of Absinthe. Then we went to Spike’s, which is a Vampire strip club. Even the goths have a home at Burning Man (at least I was wearing fish nets, so I didn’t feel too out of place). They were serving sangria out of iv bags, hanging from the ceiling to look like blood bags.

The three of us left the remaining Santas and went back to find our bikes, and then stop by our campsite. We discovered that Norm Santa could not hold his Absinthe, and he passed out in a chair at our site, so Scooby Santa and me left his ass there and headed to the Opulent Temple.

While we were dancing there, we met some people from Denver, a cutie named Jeremy, his sister Caley, and their friends Ben and Todd. I ended up wandering around with Jeremy and Caley for a bit, checked out their camp and took some pictures. Then Jeremy and I wandered off, and we danced a bit more when we found a small stage playing jungle, and then Dae wandered by, so him and me headed back to camp since I was really beat after a serious session of drinking.

The next morning I woke up around 11 am and Paula and Steph asked if I wanted to go for a bike ride and take some pictures. We stopped by the Playa Go Round, the camp where Jeremy was staying, and I actually found him awake, so I asked him if he wanted to come along for a bike ride. We cruised across the Playa, stopping to take pics, and ended up at the Deep End, your favorite daytime party place. We found Norm there, Paula and Steph took of, and Jeremy and I hung out on the couches in the shade.

After a while we headed back to his camp, and realized it was already after four. We had a rest in Caley’s trailer, which was air-conditioned and heavenly. We got up around 9 to go see Caley’s performance at center camp. The guy that organized their camp was singing and Caley was dressed up in some of her gorgeous costumes dancing on stage.

We had missed the billion-bunny march while we were sleeping, which made me a bit sad, but I wore silk pajamas and fuzzy slippers and my bunny outfit. I did see quite a few wandering bunnies while we were out and about that night.

We met up with Steph after that and headed to the Roots Society to see Lorin. The Roots Society had a really cool set up, with huge gates all around that you can climb up on and a dome in the middle. The dj played in the dome, which made it a bit weird to dance there since there wasn’t too much room inside. When we got there, he had already finished playing and there were some really dark breaks playing. I wouldn’t have minded, but I didn’t think Jeremy and Steph liked it too much, so we kept riding our bikes. I really wanted to hear some jungle, but there wasn’t much to be found.

It think we went to bed pretty early that night, definitely before the sun came up. Not sure what we did Friday during the day, but Friday night was one of the best nights I had out there. Jeremy and I headed out to the Cathedral around midnight to hear Lorin. The cathedral was such a crazy structure. We danced there for a little bit, but I knew Lorin would be playing again later, so we cruised over to the Opulent Temple, which really was the best place to be all week. When we got there Freq Nasty was playing a great set, and I was getting so excited dancing and jumping all around.

After he was done, Lorin came on and played hands down the best set I have ever heard him play. It was so amazing. I was jumping around and dancing so hard and just having a wikked time. When Lorin was winding down his set, I was thinking of where we could go next, and then he says ‘Are you guys ready for some Stanton Warriors?!’. I lost my mind. To hear those three djs in a row is unheard of, it would never happen. And to not even know that they were there just made it so amazing. I just danced and danced. It was the best night.

On Saturday I hung out with the Mad Hatters for a while, drinking wine and chatting. Later on I went out and about with some of the crew from Jeremy’s camp; Caley, Ben and Todd. We rode our bikes around, took pics and ended up at the Deep End of course. We stayed there and drank then went back to my camp to nap.

We woke up around 8:30 pm to get ready to head out and see the man burn. Everyone was sleeping, Paula and Step, Mike, Dae. We tried to wake everyone up to get them out there, but then just headed out on our own. There was a really weird energy in the air. We got a spot fairly close to the man. All the art cars were out, all around the playa. They were all blaring their music, so we tried to stand near the one with the best beats.

I didn’t realize that when they burned the man down, there is also a fairly large fireworks display, so it ended up being a lot more impressive than I thought it would be. At the same time I was a little disappointed in the crowd. There were tons of fire spinners and people dressed up, but there were also lots of people that seemed to be just milling around. Where we were standing no one was really cheering or getting excited. It felt like the ‘weekend warriors’ that you hear about were out in full force.

After the man burned, we just rode our bikes around and looked for things that we had missed. I took Jeremy to the Cubatron, one of my favorite art installations. We cruised around, stopped at some stages, checked some things out, and then headed back. It was a really nice relaxed evening. I had expected the Saturday to be one of the craziest nights, but I was really glad with how it turned out. One last chance to soak everything up before we started packing up on Sunday.